Love, Strength, Support: Maria's Power of Three
Maria is the mother of three daughters. And even though her middle child, Alejandra, passed away before Maria came to Cope Family Center, Alejandra is one of the main reasons Maria is here.
A year after Alejandra’s death from leukemia at age three, Maria was pregnant with her third daughter. While the whole family looked forward to the new baby, Maria was overwhelmed by a mix of emotions. “I was so happy to be pregnant,” Maria remembers. “But I cried and cried for Alejandra.”
Parenting takes emotional energy, and so does grieving. Maria needed the energy to do both.
When her doctor suggested a program that would provide some additional emotional support, Maria agreed to try it. She was used to being strong enough for her family to lean on, and capable enough to manage everything. “I always worked hard so my kids would have whatever they needed,” she says. As resilient as she is, it was a relief for Maria to know she could reach out to Cope when she was struggling. “Just being able to talk things out, and be listened to, really helped,” she says.
“I’m so thankful for my Family Support Specialist, Adriana, and the whole team at Cope. I always know I can count on them for anything and everything,” she says.
At first, Maria says, she just wanted to feel “calm, so I could think about any big issues.” Her girls deserved the happiest childhood she could give them, and for them, she had to find a way forward. By the time baby Nicky was born, Maria was comfortable looking to the Cope program for support: she was starting to regain her sense of wellbeing. She was already an attentive and experienced mom, though, so she was somewhat surprised to discover how useful the parent education that underpins the program could be.
Maria describes her two older daughters as quiet, generally cooperative, and relatively easy little girls. Nicky, as it turns out, is none of those things. Daughter three is rambunctious, stubborn, and silly, and that requires a whole new approach. Adriana has been there to offer suggestions and encouragement, and Maria is grateful for the positive input.
So, what parenting technique has Maria learned to use most? She laughs a little. “It’s always good to take a pause BEFORE you respond,” she says. “I share that one with my friends.” And especially now that her oldest daughter Estefani is a teenager, some of the communication methods Maria has practiced with Nicky have become a vital part of how she parents both girls.
“I’m different as a mom with Estefani and Nicky than I was with Estefani and Alejandra,” she says. “I’ve learned from Cope to be more balanced with my time. More than anything I want my children to be healthy, and I want myself to be healthy. I still work hard to give my daughters things, but I’ve learned that I also need to give them ME.”