"I've Come So Far": A Father's Journey Towards Recovery and Healing
My name is Eric and I’m dad to my amazing 11-year-old daughter Emily. I’ve loved Emily since the moment she was born. But I haven’t always been there for her like I should have been. In fact, for much of her life, getting high was my priority.
Eric and his wife, Bernadette
I am so grateful to share the story of how Cope helped me become the person - and the dad – I am today.
Ten years ago, Emily was almost two and her mom Kira and I were divorced. I wanted to be in Emily’s life, but because of my addiction, I struggled to be present and committed. In fact, there were long periods when I wasn’t in contact at all.
In moments of sobriety and clarity, I was determined to do things differently and thought I could get clean and be a good dad. For a while, I was able to spend time with Emily under supervised visitation at Cope. This was my introduction to Cope and where the seed was planted.
But the pull of the drugs remained strong, and while I kept trying to get clean, I would always relapse. Eventually I lost all custody and when Emily was four, I gave up. It seemed impossible to overcome the situation and have the relationship I wanted with my daughter. I continued to use drugs and the dream of having a relationship with my daughter seemed gone forever.
There were periods I was trying to get clean, and I would sometimes stop in at Cope. It was a place of hope and support for me. Debra would always welcome me, without judgment. I knew she wanted what was best for me. I knew she hadn’t given up on me, even though I had given up on myself.
Then, on October 3, 2018, I was arrested. It was the best thing that ever happened to me. I was sitting in jail and for the first time in a long time, my thoughts were clear. I truly realized that this was not the path I wanted to go down. I started to think that maybe I could make the changes I needed to make so I could have a relationship with my daughter.
I was five months clean when I reached out to Kira. I told her that this time, I was serious and that I wanted to start visiting with our daughter. And I meant it. I knew this time was different.
Eric with Bernadette and stepdaughter Cierra
But after so many relapses and false starts, Kira wasn’t convinced, and she served me with papers for the termination of parental rights. But I would not walk away again. For almost a year, Kira and I each built our case, equally determined to fight for our daughter.
On February 20, 2020, my lawyer called and said that the judge had made a decision. I braced myself for the worst. When I got to my lawyer’s office, I saw him with a huge smile on his face and I burst into tears of joy. The judge had found me guilty of child abandonment. But… she saw something different in me and exercised her power to uphold my parental rights. She gave me one last chance to prove myself.
The court outlined the steps I would need to take before I would be allowed to talk with Emily who was 9 at the time, including taking parenting classes. So, once again I returned to Cope. But this time, I was committed to seeing it through. I enrolled in Cope’s classes for parents of Teens and Tweens, which was taught by Debra, my former Supervised Visitor. She told me that she was so happy to see me back at Cope, ready to build a relationship with my daughter. I was so grateful to be welcomed back with no judgement. When the 10-week course ended, I enrolled in the Family Transitions course for parents navigating co-parenting, which was led by Carina.
I learned so much from both Debra and Carina. I learned to communicate differently, to see the other parent’s point of view. I can now put aside my pride and ego and focus on what is best for Emily. Rather than responding in anger and trying to control things, I use the tools I’ve learned.
In November, I had a 44 second call with Emily. It was the first time I had talked to her in over 8 years. It wasn’t easy. She told me she didn’t want to have anything to do with me. But over time, our weekly calls have gotten a little longer. It’s amazing to see how much has changed in the seven months since that first call. We now Facetime once a week and recently, we talked for 42 minutes.
Eric with his dad and stepmom, Jerry and Crystal, and his wife, Bernadette
The tools I learned at Cope work. They have helped me build a relationship with Emily. Kira and I are now finding our way as co-parents. Once I saw the results of doing things differently, I realized I can apply what I’ve learned to other relationships too. I use the tools in my relationship with my wife Bernadette and my adult stepchildren, and even my baby grandson.
When I picture my future, I see myself getting my electrical contractor’s license and opening a business with my best friend. I also want to find a way to help other addicts in recovery. And I look forward to continuing to strengthen my relationship with Emily. My biggest dream though is to someday dance with my ex-wife at our daughter’s wedding because if that day comes, it would mean that the past is healed.
I’m so grateful to Cope for being there whenever I needed them and for believing in me even when I didn’t believe in myself. I have been clean since the day I was sitting in the jail cell almost four years ago. Having someone rooting for me no matter how many times I fell down helped me imagine the possibility of a better future. And that dream has motivated me to turn my life around. I’ve come so far, and Cope has been such an important part of my journey.
Thank you Cope and thank you to everyone who makes their life-changing work possible.